


Evan.

by MuscleBunni



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 17:04:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17626196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuscleBunni/pseuds/MuscleBunni
Summary: Maybe it’s strange to post this here, but if you read my stories I’d like you to listen. There’s a story here I don’t tell often, but it’s important all the same.Basically a short autobiography.





	Evan.

Sometimes my world is an ocean. Of course not literally, but with the sea of people it certainly seems so. In this sea of people I grew up in a cave. It was safe at the time, and made me feel at peace. Those times didn’t stay however. I grew up in a cave all alone. My brothers were visible, but never really there. As time went by I learned how to take care of myself, out of fear I’d starve all alone. To be honest I think I was always starving, I was being starved of a different kind of food. I grew up in a cave of isolation. Where no one would ever visit.

 

I wanted to be pretty when I was little. I had barbies, dresses, and tiaras to match. I was my mother’s pretty princess, but I still didn’t feel like it. Because deep in my bones underneath my skin was a buzzing. A buzzing similar to the bees I was fascinated by. The bees poked at my skin begging to be freed, but I didn’t understand them at the time. Instead they were crushed in tiny hands of girls who only knew hurtful words. I wanted to be pretty, because maybe then I wouldn’t have been hurt.

 

I wanted to fit in. Fitting in seemed nice. It felt safe, but wasn’t an easy task for myself. I was surrounded by negativity, in a school that was only a dark hallway. These little girls became older, and with that so did their preferences. Popularity became craved for, and those who didn’t have it became less. I wasn’t really bothered by the sneers of their words. Growing a thick skin was mandatory in this sea of vicious sharks. To them I was a puffer fish, ugly and small. Perhaps that’s why I was a target in this sea that scared us all. I wanted to fit in, but shark teeth scared me away.

 

I wished to fall in love, and it wasn’t very hard. She was beautiful, kind, and she made me laugh as well. I was scared of this feeling, because these sharks were still present. I knew they’d kill me if they learned of the secret I tried to hide. So the one that took my heart grew wings and flew off without me. She fell in love with another girl, and I knew I could never have her. It didn’t lessen the blow at all. Despite my cautiousness the sharks heard whispers, and soon I’d be attacked without any warning at all. So yes I fell in love. She tore my heart in two, but I don’t regret a thing. The sharks were approaching, and I knew I sealed my fate.

 

I was broken and torn in half. The sharks ripped me limb from limb. They tore into my flesh. Everyday it would continue, and each day would grow worse. My life became a nightmare, and it never would stop. I was alone throughout this nightmare, and while my friends were nearby they never knew a thing. I hid my broken body, and the blood that had seeped through my clothing. I was afraid of what they’d say, but truthfully I knew they would only help. Because the real reason I hid wasn’t due to sharks. It was because my hands had become claws, and I started to tear myself apart. I was broken and torn in half, but no one really knew; that it was me doing the tearing and I wanted it to continue.

 

I was reborn like a phoenix in a fire, but before that I drowned in the sea. There were claws tearing me in half; but I didn’t account for my friends and family. They pulled me out and sobbed because they had no idea what had happened. In the span of a day, I became a stranger. Because they no longer knew me. They locked me in a cage, hoping to protect me from myself. While being locked in this cage I realized why things had gone so wrong. As other broken souls stood by me in that cage, I realized that they helped. Because all of us were broken. We were trapped in our nightmares of alcohol, hands, and sneers. It felt like they could know me, even the broken parts I tried to hide. I told them in the quiet of the hands that grabbed my wrist, because boys liked to think they could change me simply because I was different. I was reborn in that hospital, they mended me like they should. I left there with some hope, that maybe this Phoenix could fly out of the ocean.

 

My story doesn’t end though. You’d think that it would. Now I am safe. In a school with far too many hallways to navigate. The people here are colorful, kind, and unique. That’s not to say some are sharks, but most of them are sweet. Here I found a family, one that was open and accepting. During these times I noticed the buzzing had returned. I never said a word, not understanding the feeling inside. Slowly but surely the buzzing started stinging, but it still didn’t make sense to me. Frustration replaced the pain, and soon enough I changed so quickly. My hair was chopped off, and things got better. I loved it being short, it made me happy, and complete. I grew on with my hair, and with it my friends doubled. Friends that made me smile, made me laugh, made me happy. They’re phoenixes too I think. Being reborn again and again. They’ve been hurt too, but they fly off again and again. My story hasn’t ended, because they continue to write it for me.

 

Evan came into my life next. He was quiet and very shy. He didn’t talk much, but I knew him all the same. At first he had no name, he was too quiet to really decipher. My friends pulled him out though, and soon enough we became acquainted. He was uncomfortable with emotions, didn’t know how to hug, but he would lend an ear to those he really loved. Evan made me happy. He made me feel safe among my friends; but Evan grew tired of hiding, in the shadows he grew up in. Perhaps it was impulsive, perhaps I always knew, but in the end I decided that it was time for him to fly off too. It’s strange to talk about the two of us, as if we’re different people. Evan came into my life next, and I realized he was buzzing like my bees. I am a bee, buzzing with excitement... and anxiety. My name is Evan for those who don’t know, and I will always be proud of who I am.

 

I am a boy whose name is Evan. I was isolated, hurt, and reborn. I’m not ashamed of my past, nor the girl I thought I was. Sometimes I still hurt because my body doesn’t match me, but I am growing everyday. One day my outside will match my inside, and I’ll finally be able to fly away. 


End file.
